What I really, really, really want for Christmas


I cannot remember the last time that I got what I really, really wanted for Christmas, not that that is what Christmas is or should be about of course. But, still, that thought still pops into my mind each year. And even if you are going to treat yourself somehow, at least for a moment, one often thinks, “What would I really like to have, besides world peace?” What comes to mind for me is that Christmas I spent with my first wife who kind of dug it out of me. It turned out that besides having her try a new position, I wanted a leather coat. We would go shopping and it was her who broke me of the habit of thinking that I could actually make the various things that we shopped for. You know because I was an artist and, had a table saw, and my art degree from SMC, I could make all sorts of things. But she got me to see that it was okay to buy something that someone else made and that was kind of a gift in itself really.

And I think that coat was the last thing that I got for Christmas that I really, really wanted. In fact I still have it and if it ever comes back into style I would probably wear it again. Although, when you are married and your wife is not working, really, it can be like buying a gift for yourself. Because it can go like this; “Honey, I want to get you something really nice for Christmas, give me some money.”

You know that is a loaded question when you get down to it, “What I want for Christmas.” It is no wonder it should only be asked to children because what you find out when you get older is; you are probably not going to get what you want anymore or ever again. And what’s worse is, your always going to get something else you don’t want along with it.

And what I mean by that is this, as you mature, you realize that getting what you want always has strings attached. I at one time wanted a beautiful wife, I just wanted to come home and sleep with a beautiful woman and well I got that, but along with it came other things, in fact many other things I won’t be discussing here, one of which, though, was her dog. In between us every night was this little Chihuahua who loved to wiggle his ears, keeping me up all night tickling my leg because he insisted on sleeping between us. He probably did it on purpose. I thought later that what he probably wanted was to sleep with a beautiful woman too. One who did not have a man attached.

Yes, it is always something. You want a boat? Well, now you have to find a place to store the boat or pay dock fees every month, you have to pay license fees and maintain it and it is no wonder they say that a boat is really a hole in the ocean that you throw money in.

But that is how it is; you want a great big house to live in? You end up with gardeners and maids all over the place. I mean even Hugh Heffner had to give up the 747. He probably thought that plane was a hole in the sky you throw money up and into. I would like to ask him that question someday, one of those little oddball things that I still want.

Now the Buddhist’s have a pretty good idea about this whole thing. They believe that the goal is to not want anything. Pretty good huh? If you don’t want anything you can instantly be happy because there are no disappointments and there is none of the things that you don’t want attached to it either.

But, what if it turns out that to not want anything has some liability attached to it too. Maybe that is why it takes years and years and even several lifetimes to achieve that state. Then you get there and you suddenly have the realization that that is what life is all about, dealing with all problems you get from finally having the thing that you thought you wanted. But if you don’t want anything, there is no life. Maybe that is the great riddle of this universe solved; if you want to be in it you have to want things and then deal with the problems that they create? Maybe that is why the Fonz is cool because he could deal with the problems that were created from the want?

I mean you can see this with some of the people around you. It seems that some seem to “want,” lots of problems and when you try to take one of those problems away, they can get very upset. I have known many people like this. I usually try to keep my distance with them, not a bad idea. And if you think you are one of them, you probably aren’t because I always remove them from my mailing list.

But you see what I mean. They live for problems and they would be absolutely miserable if you took them all away. Boy you could build a whole religion around that one idea, “Enjoy your problems.” And if you don’t have enough of them, some politician is bound to create a few more for you. Boy you would not be re-elected if you solved all the problems for everyone, I mean, now what? There is nothing left for you to do so they fire you, or hang you.

Anyway life seems to be like that. And so what I really, really, really want is something, anything, that does not have too many problems attached to it. The best gift is something that does not have too many liabilities like socks, or better yet, you “like” the liabilities that come with it. Like wanting to be a lingerie designer. Now if you’re not gay that could be a liability that you could live with.

I could live with that, as long as my new model friends did not have Chihuahuas for pets.

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